Notes from a New Husband

17 Aug

Hi, readers! Remember when I said Hubs was going to write a guest post for us? Well, it’s late…but with good reason. Last week he got some heavy news and we’ve both been mourning in our own ways while also making the most of our time together before he leaves for Vegas next weekend. We’ve had a lot of things to pray over lately and now feels like a good time to say thank you to everyone who has lifted us up in the past year and upheld the promise you made to us on our wedding day. There are definitely days when we get by on grace and we probably have a lot of prayers to thank for that.

So! Now here’s Will’s notes on being a new husband…

I am going to bring you my perspective on what it’s like to be a new husband.  It has been the biggest change I have ever gone through (to include 7 months in Iraq.)  The change is by far the most rewarding one you will make in your life.  It is definitely not easy, or for someone who gets bored with others. Marriage is a true test of everything you are.  It will test your sense of humor, your ability to adapt and overcome all petty things, your ability to cherish the little moments that have changed your life over the past few years, etc.

Something that’s been hard for me to deal with is always having someone around.  It’s hard to transition from one day having no one there when you get home from work to being greeted as you come in the door.  I am not saying it is a bad thing, words cannot describe how incredible a smile and a warm embrace can be when you have had a horrible day.  Some may say that I would be crazy to have an issue with that, but I need to be alone sometimes. Time apart is just as important as time together.  I usually take a short trip to the grocery store.  Driving is one of the ways that I can be relaxed while alone.

(Editor’s note: I totally sympathize with Hubs on this. I like my alone time and the poor man almost never gets any. He’s a good man to only require five or ten minutes away from me because I need lots of time to mull things over and I prefer that time to be in my bed with a good book. Don’t be discouraged or feel like a terrible spouse if you just want to lock your significant other in the basement for an hour. It’s absolutely normal and you have to learn that it’s okay to ask for what you need, even if what you need is for your SO to be far away.)

On the other hand, I like the thought of missing someone while I’m at work.  My wife and I never saw each other except on the weekends before, so it is definitely a step in the right direction.  In the past going to work was just going to work.  Now it’s a race to get home everyday so I can get the hug and kiss I was always missing before.

Talk about your financial plans before getting married and make sure it’s fully in place before the wedding.  I would recommend that you go into the marriage with your finances fully joined. Money’s a big deal and there are reasons for that. It will cause you to do strange things.  Never leave your significant other stranded without any way to access money.  Trust me, it turns out bad.  Also be sensible with your money, never live beyond your means. (We’ve learned that this means looking at how much you have to spare in your life. Never spend more than that amount because you’ll have a real tough time paying it back, no matter what creditors tell you. The best way to build credit is to choose a few regular bills that you can pay off easily on a routine schedule like gym memberships, gas expenses, etc. and only use your credit card for those things or absolutely emergencies.) Also, for couples filing taxes as newlyweds, file joint spouse. (Big bucks!!!)  Put anything you can into savings, there is never any telling what will happen and you need to be prepared. Trust me, it sucks to go without.  Enough with the money, I’m being a Debbie-Downer.

Honestly, the little things are what get you through the bad times.  It’s that picking up something special on the way home (for Brytani, its Hersheys or a Cinnabon).  Find something that she enjoys and take a few minutes out of your day to get it for her.  It goes a long way. (Well, specifically, it helps to renew those tender and generous feelings of love. If you get too much into a habit of only thinking of each other when you’re together, your relationship becomes routine and monotonous. We’ve both learned that both of us feel better when we do little nice things for each other. Even if it’s planning a nice meal on a hard day.)

Marriage is an amazing thing, but nothing amazing ever comes without a fight (or compromise). (But don’t fear the fights. Don’t retreat from the compromise. They’re healthy when you have each other’s good in mind.)

Guys, just remember this rhyme— HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE  🙂

(Ladies, that works in reverse too. Don’t let men fool you.)

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